Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The Art of Being a Neurotic Dumb-ass: 12/20

My foot hurt all day Sunday following my 7 mile run.  Still hurt Monday, but I went to the gym yesterday, rode the exercise bike for 30 minutes, and then did abs anyway.
This morning, my foot still hurt, but I couldn't tell if  the pain was something that I should rest or attempt to run through.  Because . . . I am a Neurotic Dumb-ass!  Resting would be the smart choice, but here is my malfunction: I freak out over crap like this way too much.  Worse is . . . I know that I freak out, so in an attempt to avoid freaking out, I IGNORE THE OBVIOUS AND HOPE FOR THE BEST! Because, you know . . . it might workout that the mystery pain might just  . . . Go Away!

 It is just like watching Nicholas Cage movies, you know that they are going to suck, but there is a chance that Cage'll pull something out of his ass like Kick-Ass.  Oh, the odd a are 10/1 against you that you'll enjoy his latest stab at personal solvency, but you remember that Adaptation was pretty good and try to block out the memories of Next, 8MM, and Con Air as you plop down that 8 bucks with your fingers crossed.

Well, guess what!  This morning when I ran . . . There was no Wild at Heart for me!  Nopers (it's a word)!  I got a foot full of Captain Corelli’s Mandolin:

"Cage's ancestors may have come from the Old Country, but he's no more Italian than Franco-American SpaghettiOs."
Rita Kempley
Washington Post
I'm a fuckin' idiot! Or, at least I feel like one today . . . OK . . . most days, but I feel like more than normal today because I'm the Fucking dip who ran 3 rather painful miles on the treadmill and is now worried about everything from Stress Fractures and Bone Spurs to Wonky Foot . . . What is wonky foot?  I don't know! But, it came up when I googled Strange Foot Pain, and now I am scared that I might be suffering from it!   ARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After making it through my run, I did abs and went the hell home!  If the foot doesn't get better by Thursday, I'll waste my co-pay on an x-ray just to get some peace of mind before Santa comes for a visit!

BTW:  Here is my assesment of the Cage Catalog.  Like in nature, you should avoid the red.

Drive Angry 3D (2011) Milton
Season of the Witch (2011) Behmen
Kick-Ass (2010) Damon Macready / Big Daddy
Astro Boy (2009) (voice) Dr. Tenma
The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call – New Orleans (2009) Terence McDonagh
G-Force (2009) (voice) Speckles
Knowing (2009) John Koestler
Bangkok Dangerous (2008) Joe
National Treasure: Book of Secrets (2007) Ben Gates
Next (2007) Cris Johnson
Ghost Rider (2007) Johnny Blaze / Ghost Rider
The Wicker Man (2006) Edward Malus
World Trade Center (2006) John McLoughlin
The Ant Bully (2006) (voice) Zoc
The Weather Man (2005) David Spritz
Lord of War (2005) Yuri Orlov
National Treasure (2004) Ben Gates

Matchstick Men (2003) Roy Waller
Adaptation. (2002) Charlie Kaufman / Donald Kaufman
Windtalkers (2002) Sergeant Joe Enders
Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (2001) Captain Antonio Corelli
The Family Man (2000) Jack Campbell
Gone in Sixty Seconds (2000) Memphis Raines
Bringing Out the Dead (1999) Frank Pierce
8MM (1999) Tom Welles
Snake Eyes (1998) Rick Santoro
City of Angels (1998) Seth
Face/Off (1997) Castor Troy / Sean Archer
Con Air (1997) Cameron Poe

The Rock (1996) Dr. Stanley Goodspeed
Leaving Las Vegas (1995) Ben Sanderson
Kiss of Death (1995/I) Little Junior Brown
Trapped in Paradise (1994) Bill Firpo
It Could Happen to You (1994) Charlie Lang
Guarding Tess (1994) Doug Chesnic
Deadfall (1993) Eddie
Red Rock West (1993) Michael Williams

Amos & Andrew (1993) Amos Odell
Honeymoon in Vegas (1992) Jack Singer
Zandalee (1991) Johnny Collins
Wild at Heart (1990) Sailor Ripley
Fire Birds (1990) Jake Preston
Industrial Symphony No. 1: The Dream of the Brokenhearted (1990) (TV) Heartbreaker
Tempo di uccidere (1989) Enrico Silvestri
Vampire’s Kiss (1988) Peter Loew

Moonstruck (1987) Ronny Cammareri
Raising Arizona (1987) H.I. McDunnough
Peggy Sue Got Married (1986) Charlie Bodell
The Boy in Blue (1986) Ned Hanlan
Birdy (1984) Sgt. Alfonso ‘Al’ Columbato
The Cotton Club (1984) Vincent Dwyer
Racing with the Moon (1984) Nicky/Bud
Rumble Fish (1983) Smokey
Valley Girl (1983) 
Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982) (as Nicolas Coppola) Brad’s Bud
Yes, I know most people love Face/OFF and that Raising Arizona is by the Coen Brothers, but I still think that they're flaming piles of DOG POO, and I am sick of listening to people drone on about how much they loved those films!  Good for them . . . MY FOOT HURTS, AND I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!


  1. I just forwarded this post to Spike, he will be so excited its full of Nic Cage references and judgments of his movies. He and his friend, Weekend Roommate, have man dates to go see whatever horrid thing the Cagemeister has churned out this time.

    I hope your foot feels better!!!! :(

  2. My pal Joe and I used to have our Man Dates at the Monkey House of the Tokyo Zoo. Spike and Weekend Roommate should find a good zoo. Cage will let you down but apes and monkeys always deliver!

    As for the foot . . . no idea . . . as long as it isn't the dreaded wonky foot all be alright! ;)