What portion of your run holds the most meaning for you? Is it the portion of your run that's tip toe through the tulips or those hard slogged miles that reveal you inner true grit? It may sound odd, but the one largest, single, undeniable truth that running has revealed to me about myself is that deep down at my core -- I am an optimist. The sun may not be shinning today, but it will tomorrow or the next day -- that's me. I never knew it, was clueless. I always thought of myself as this jaded, sarcastic, smart ass, who love to make snarky. dry-witted remarks. Prehaps those notions were just a by product of my Cancerian complexities, Generation X upbringing, or too much Grunge Music (Stone and Jeff are GODS!), Who knows? Maybe I am not an optimist . . . I could just be a glutton for punishment . . . that would also explain why as a dyslexic I became an English major or why I fell in love with running when I was pushing nearly three bills and should have been joining bowling and softball leagues. What I do know is that recently I haven't had many runs trough my happy place. Most of my runs have been exercise in perseverance and persistence. Honestly, they've kind of sucked. Shockingly, I haven't minded all that much. Granted, I would love a run where I felt like I had the winged feet of Mercury, but it just isn't happening.
Partially, I might just be happy to be running again after being sick. However, I don't think that can account for the joy I a found in the portions of my runs that were just god-awful dreadful. No matter the length of your run, you're bound to find yourself mentally or physically in a bad place at some point on most runs. Runners usually work through those moments. Recently, I seem to be working through those moments frequently. And oddly enough I have been finding this process enjoyable. Maybe it is because all I have to be proud of at this moment is a sucky run and the persistence to get through a sucky run. Not sure that's it, but it could be. All I know is that recently when I think about my runs, I've been happiest fighting through those portions of the run where I have felt worst. On Sunday, it was the fourth mile, which was pure hell. Really, it was a total shit show that nearly had me buckling, but I remember at the time, that I felt an inner happiness that I was still pushing forward despite the urge to lay down in the dust and have a genuine hissy!
7.0 miles in 1:17:58.07 for an 11:08 pace.
Mile 1 10:22
Mile 2 10:46
Mile 3 10:53
Mile 4 11:21
Mile 5 10:59
Mile 6 10:51
Mile 7 12:40
Yes yes and yes. I love the feeling of accomplishment after putting in some miles. That's easy to measure: I did 5 miles, or 3 or whatever--I'm awesome. But the real victory is not measurable: I did 5 miles even though I wanted to quit after 2...I persevered, I'm awesome. :)
ReplyDeleteGreg, GREAT post!
ReplyDeleteRunning as a whole is a love for me, but I find that it also brings joy on many levels. The little things you see/experience out on a run, which you otherwise wouldn't have, the pain that you once thought wasn't possible to endure, the strength and triumph of conquering a new challenge and the list goes on and on...we are sadistic freaks though : )
Jessie & Irene,
ReplyDeleteI am glad to hear that I am not alone in feeling this way. I really feel like there is a spiritual side of running that non-running people don't connect with. I won't say that they don't "get it" because a lot of folks that I talk with understand, but just don't share the same feeling. But, you know, there is a certain zen to fly fishing that I'll never get, so I'll try not to judge and just be happy that other people get me.